It is 5 pm.
There is only one more step, and you’ll find yourself in front of the door. It’s a big house with a big brown wooden door. You ring. She opens the door, only partly. You can only see half of her face as she tries to stay behind the door. “Hi.” She sounds polite and thoughtful. You return her hi, and it sounds surprisingly the same. “Come in,” she almost whispers, “or everybody would see you here.” You go in. You see she’s wearing a loose-fitting white gown and is in white fantasy slippers. You notice her short boyish black hair for the first time out of scarves, uncovered. She takes your hand, slowly, hesitantly, as both of you walk very slowly through the entrance and hall. You look at her. Her lips shine. Her eyes, too. You smile at her, a faint soft smile. She smiles back, a faint soft smile. You stare into her eyes. They flash, staring back at you.
You draw your hand out of hers – trying to do it kindly –, turn back, and quietly, slowly leave, feeling not fine on the way to… you’re not sure where, at least not now. You turn off your cell phone. And before the screen goes off, you notice it’s 5:07.
15 comments:
perfect it is!
I wonder why you aren't called T.S. Elliot.:-) Your work reminds me of his.
Thanks for sharing.
So you still commit writing! ;)
That was brilliant dude.
Have I totally lost it or he really left at the end?!
I still do. And do it more these days.
Thanks.
Yes, he really left. It couldn't be otherwise.
hm.
The turning point, I suppose, is when "you" draw your hand out of hers. But I didn't really figure out WHY!
Everything happened in seven minutes. But what forced the guy to leave?... Suddenly?
A whole lot of things, probably. But one that would stand out in my opinion is (though it's like a paradox), at that moment of epiphany, the boy made certain that it wasn't right to go on. The sudden ultimate realization of some truth, actually.
There must have been, of course, other reasons, too.
chizi ke too aksare neveshtehaye shoma mano jazb mikone ine ke ehsasate amigh va malmoosi dareshoon hast
be tori ke man e khanande ehsas mikonam in neveshte mitoone tajrobeye hessi bashe ke nevisande oon ro shakhsan lams karde ya inke la aghal darke amighi az oon hess dashte hatta age tajrobeye shakhsish nabashe! vali dar har 2 soorat tasviri kamelan vaghei va bavarkardani ro be shekli ziba tooye zehn miare!
سلام.
خیلی از لطف تون ممنون ام. زیبایی در ذهن خواننده است که شکل می گیره و گرنه همین متن ممکنه احساس دیگه ای در کس دیگه ای ایجاد کنه. شاید حتی احساس نفرت.
در مورد تجربه ی یک حس شخصی که فرمودین، راستش من گاهی اون قدر با طرح یه نوشته زندگی می کنم که بعد از مدتی (شاید باورتون نشه) خودم هم یادم نمی یاد کدوم یکی از این اتفاق ها واقعاً برام افتاده و اون ها رو از زندگی شخصی خودم و دیگران گرفتم و کدومشون رو خودم به وجود آوردم. یعنی اون قدر به خودم "دروغ می گم" که بعدا نمی تونم صحت اتفاق ها رو با اطمینان قبول کنم( یا نکنم). این متن هم مخلوطیه از احساس های خودم و دیگران هر چند تجربه ی دقیق شخصی خودم نبوده.
در مورد چیز هایی که می خونم هم همین اتفاق می افته.
اما خوشحال می شم اگه همین تاثیر روی بقیه هم گذاشته بشه. این جملات T.S. Eliot رو ببینین:
“What we have to do is to bring poetry into the world in which the audience lives and to which it returns when it leaves the theater; not to transport the theater to some imaginary world totally unlike their own, an unreal world in which poetry can be spoken … What I should hope might be achieved … is that the audience should find at the moment of awareness that it is hearing poetry, that it is saying to itself ‘I could talk in poetry, too!’ Then we should not be transported into an artificial world; on the contrary, our own sordid, dreary, daily world would be suddenly illuminated and transfigured.” (From Poetry and Drama, 1951)
انتظار من هم از ادبیات همینه.
I think, he was a coward...
hello
nice and moving post but the turning point seems strange... "the sudden ultimate realization of some truth, actually", you said...???!!!!!
are they hesitant or not? do they know what exactly they want or not?
so the truth is not obviouse to them yet and the whole post is trying to elaborate the same point.
so i believe more elaboration is required on the moment of departure to make it clear to the reader the why of turning point...
This is what I said sounds like a paradox. They are sure that they are hesitant. (Isn't it enough reason?)
confusing paradox..!!
i believe it's not a paradox, since it can never happen..!!
they are hesitant and hesitant and hesidant...!! and he should have been hesidant also to leave her...but the way you described the situation, shows the certainty inside him which is the result of that sudden ultimate realization of some TRUTH...
in former part they are hesidant and in latter, they(at least he) are sure..!!!
this situation doesnt correspond to the sentence " they are sure that they are hesidant"... so it's not a paradox, in my opinion...
Maybe I shouldn't have abridged my sentence to avoid the confusion. What I meant was: They are sure that they are hesitant to go on. It's like you hesitate about sth, and you are sure that you feel so.
و شاید اوج این نوشته زمانی باشه که در اوج رها کردن
قدرت،خاطره،سرگردانی در اوج قدرت
و دومورد دیگه در مورد سئوالتون که اونجا کجاست: اونجا یه پرورشگاه در خیابان عشرت اباد(اسم جدیدشو بلد نیستم)
و ایمکه از اون کوچولو هم یه عالمه عکس دارم!
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